Photograph...

I have just returned from my penultimate training run before the first race at Hyde Park on Sunday.
I tried every excuse not to go out.....been at work all day...  .too hot.....too tired......too busy.....nothing worked!
Roy sent me on my way with his iPod strapped to my arm with a tubi-grip and the comment "you've got to do at least three miles!"
The iPod has various tracks - lots of nursery rhymes, loads of Glee tracks and more normal music that Roy likes like Nickelback.

So....I have my 'Team Tonia in Training' t-shirt on and am running through the Clatfords listening to the Nickelback album. I find myself thinking about why we are doing these runs and how much Kate and I miss mum, wishing every day she was with us.
I think about her not being able to meet and see her grandchildren grow up and not being able to enjoy the retirement she had worked so hard for. I feel sad that she will never meet Roy, and even sadder that she will never really know how well I did (A handsome policeman??!!!! "Blimey....they tended to be on the other side of the law!!" I imagine her saying!!!!)

I think, selfishly, about all the things I would ask her, all the advice I would seek from her and all the love we would all share with her.
I think that poor Kate has been left eternally playing 'mum' to her "ickle blister" (as she has always called me), managing my stress levels and my melodramatic disasters.....She's fab, she's my very own hero and my best friend and she will never really know how much she means to me....(you do now Sis!)....

Then I'm back listening to Nickelback and huffing and puffing down Barlows Lane.....to a song titled 'Photograph'.

"Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye."

xxxxxx